Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
