we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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