weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
