im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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