I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
