So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
