I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is Oprah even human
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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