So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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