I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
