Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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