How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
