Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
why is half of my head shaved?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
