I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
