what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
