Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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