remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
