just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
