I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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