My nipple is on Facebook.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
