I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
