I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
