Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
