The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
