Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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