Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
