She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
