theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dicks are not precious.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
