I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
