dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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