my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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