he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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