life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
