I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
soo... how was my night?
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