Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
