I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
