Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize