So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
