Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
