That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
