Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
