just survived the first fart of the relationship.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
