Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's the barista slut.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
