are you still at the devil's house?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
