My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
