All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
