And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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