I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
