I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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