you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
