I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
