there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
